To those of you who know me, you know I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I've been on every organized diet available. Luckily I'm smart enough to stay away from ridiculous "fad" diets such as the grapefruit diet, apple cider vinegar diet and countless other crazy ones. I've also avoided starving myself, throwing up and diet pills! I'm pretty proud of myself for that because Lord knows I've thought about going that far.
I don't know what it is....ok well I do do. It's nothing spectacular, I don't need intense emotional therapy and I know I'm not alone....I LOVE FOOD!! That is it, I am simply a slave to the yummy temptations like pizza, cake and don't even get me started on the perfection that is cheeseburgers and fries! A little dramatic, I realize but this consumes me. I don't want to think of food as the enemy but is seems like food is the love of my life and that isn't good either. This fact, I'm not so proud of. There are plenty more important things to consume my days, such as my daughter and my not so perfect marriage. But alas, it's food that holds my heart, my stomach, my thighs, my as* and my chubby little face!
I love to cook for my family. Now, Heaven help me, I've started cake decorating classes....a glutton for punishment! It's not that I cook entirely unhealthy, although some meals are heavy with butter and cheese...just once in a while though! It's how, how much and how often I eat-too fast, too much and too often. Also, I hate wasting food. If I make a grilled cheese for Eleanor and she doesn't eat it all, I feel bad for throwing it away. Inevitably I eat it, not only for the waste factor but simply because it tastes good. No no no, not the slobbery bits left from her tray, I'm not that far gone....yet! Oddly enough though, I've thrown away my fair share of wilted, brown lettuce and most recently a whole bag of brussel sprouts (I wanted to try something new). That still is hard for me but not hard enough to check on it, cook it and finish it. Why is that????
That is the reason for this post. I was sitting there eating my baby carrots, hummus and water while E was eating her grilled cheese. I was literally salivating over the warm, gooey, crispy concoction. It is truly a daily struggle for me to NOT eat a piece and/or finish the leftovers. This is completely ridiculous to me and somewhat depressing. The good news is, armed with some new tools/habits, I got away with only one small square! However, I had to put the leftover bites into the juice from the vegetables that I finished. What?? It was veggies, old habits are hard to break!! And you know we've all been at a restaurant and poured ketchup, salt or whatever random yucky thing is on the table over the rest of the meal to stop from eating it. No? Just me? Well, ok then, guess it's good I'm writing this post then!
There are two books that I am hoping will help me get a handle on my lifelong (at least since I can remember) addiction to food. The first is a book by Leslie Sansone. She is a walking guru who has a few books out. It isn't a diet, no counting calories. The book I am reading is more about conquering the habits of overeating and emotional eating. I am really liking the concept. Diets are like medications-they treat the symptom, not the problem. I've realized, finally at my wise old age of 30, that until I break my old habits I will never be fully successful at maintaining a healthy weight and ultimately a healthy lifestyle. The other helpful tool came from Dr. Amen. He says that your brain can help you determine a healthy diet. He found that there are 5 types of overeaters and these patterns can be seen in the brain. I find this fascinating! Not that I'm going to go spend thousands of dollars on a brain scan! Luckily he has a questionaire that can help determine this. He recommends types of diets and supplements (which I can't take because I fall into the category of "do not use if you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant or are breastfeeding"). I am starting to come around in the supplement world, though I'd do some pretty intense research if the time comes and I decide to take any supplements.
Well, I am done rambling about my woes of weight. I can only take it one day at a time. Each bite left on E's plate, each mile walked and each salad eaten is one small step in the right direction. I am not on a diet, I am not counting calories, fat or carbs. I am simply eating real, as in non-processed, healthy food and recognizing some traps that have brought me down (or up!) over the last umpteen years! I refuse to let food rule my life anymore. I'm taking my body back cheeseburger....don't worry though I still love you and will see you from time to time. I am only human afterall :)
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