Just another day in paradise...: 30...

I turned 30 two weeks ago and life has been unsettling since then. I had a great birthday and have no problem turning 30. In fact, I was happy to be in "the club" and ready to take on a new decade. However in the weeks following I have been very torn on what to do. My little peanut (true to her big personality) has completely changed her sleeping habits. They weren't rock solid to begin with so it's been very difficult. I created some of her bad habits, I'm well aware. But in my defense, she was extremely demanding and cried ALL THE TIME for her first 3.5 months and still quite easily melts down! I did what I had to do to help her sleep, be it nursing, walking, rocking, wrapping or all at the same time! She was settling into a nice routine, down about 9pm then up 4-6hrs later for a feeding then up and down until about 7. I was ok with that for now. I don't expect her to sleep through the night and have no intentions of night weaning. But steadily she has been waking up earlier and earlier and taking 2-4hrs to go to sleep. Plus wanting to nurse all night, even in her sleep....OUCH! I am exhausted and feeling hopeless. She isn't getting the sleep she needs and is more cranky because of it. So, naturally I turned to my mommy friends and the internet. Here's what I found: cry it out, cry it out, cry it out! I was sooo against this I began to feel even more desperate and Eleanor was getting more and more overtired. I read The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears and the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and countless others online. My friends (who have children that sleep well) all suggested some version of the archaic cry it out method. Uugh, this is NOT what I saw for me and my baby. She cries so much during the day, how could I be the one to make her cry at night? But, I had tried everything else and my energetic, smart baby thwarted all my good efforts. So, out of sheer desperation, we are trying a modified cry it out. I cry even as I write this. I can't believe I'm doing it but I have to try to either prove to myself that I was right and it won't work for Elle or prove myself wrong and have a baby that sleeps....and a mommy and daddy that sleep. I'm not 100% committed to it though, which makes it so much more difficult to carry through. I believe in both schools of thoughts. My baby and I have such an amazing, strong bond that I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize this. We are on day two and making progress...I think. Eleanor cried for only 20 minutes before falling asleep, and it wasn't even solid awful crying. When she woke back up a short time later, she was able to fall back asleep in less than 10 minutes. I promised myself that I would do this for one week and if my family wasn't sleeping better or I noticed ANY adverse effects in my little darling I would abandon this and continue my search. I am also holding her more and loving on her more during the day--if that's possible. Today she was my sweet, mommy dependent little sassy girl that she's been since day one. That said, I'm not a proud parent right now and my heart is hurting....but my baby is sleeping peacefully. I can only hope and pray this helps my little angel.

Now to end on a happy note, here are some new pictures of Eleanor. Matty got me a new camera for my big birthday and I love it. She gets more beautiful with every moment. She is laughing more and it's fantastic. Even as challenging as it's been, I love being HER mommy and wouldn't have her any other way.